• Three-year-old Amy just started swim lessons. While other children leap into the water, she has been cautious, often remaining on the pool steps, and is just starting to kick and move in the water. On the way home, her parent acknowledges Amy’s effort by saying, “You are trying so hard to get comfortable in that big swimming pool! Learning something new takes time.”

• Stay effort-focused and present-tense. Instead of, “Wow, you are kicking that soccer ball so far. You’re going to be a soccer star,” say, “Wow, I see you working hard at kicking that soccer ball!”

• Do less telling and more asking. Questions like, “How did you figure out where to put the blocks?” offer your child loving attention while encouraging her to focus on her own process and effort.